4:44am

Up for hour.

Inform prison not ready

To return for meetingbrook

Friday conversations

Bare light on silver stovepipe

Rising from wohnküche

As monks chant prime from France 

Cold chamomile tea tries to satisfy

and i will sing a lullaby

Provolone cheese and tuna fish

A slice of quiche —

Evening meal

In a time of diminishing taste

My mind quiets

Between emptiness and dementia

As photons of consciousness

Bump and ping and scatter off

you shall then find wisdom

 I’d like to find some wisdom. 

If it leads to the “Way” that’d be good.

Look up to heaven and down on earth, and they will remind you of their impermanency.

Look about the world, and it will remind you of its impermanency.

But when you gain spiritual enlightenment, you shall then find wisdom.

The knowledge thus attained leads you to the Way.

        (--Sutra of Forty Two Chapters)

I can wait.

I like the idea that ‘good' is within our reach.

And that ‘the Way’ beckons those longing for it.

That it is worthwhile, uplifting, and consoling.

adjutórium meum inténde

 Middle of night reading

Has it always been this way?

Cool breeze over feet

Cool breeze over head —

O breeze, come to our assistance!

small

 Dr. Anthony Fauci is a good and honorable man.

The republican senators led by Rand Paul on his committee are less so.

They embarrass themselves. They embarrass us.

dearth of education

vulgar petty and vindictive

the leader teaches children

how to avoid virtue and grace 

no guest or host as such

Reading Michael Connelly novels. The step by step of the legal comings and goings of courtrooms, attorneys, intrigues, secrets, evidence, assorted crimes, the ennui, the innuendo, the shenanigans, the bare fabric of truth, the sometimes cynicism of justice.

Then this from Ch’iu Wei (8th c):

On the mountain top one thatched hut,

Thirty li from roads.

Knock on the door: no disciple to answer;

Look in: only a table for tea. 

 

The firewood cart is covered;

Have you gone fishing in the autumn stream?

I look among the pools, but miss you;

I try but fail to pay you my respects.

Grass shines in the fresh rain; 

 

Pines murmur at evening windows.

Here at this moment a harmony,

Profound and unrivaled.

The self completely cleansed, 

 

The heart, the ear.

Although there is no guest or host as such,

I’m able to intuit your pure thought.

Purpose fulfilled, I head back down the mountain.

No need now to wait for you.

    --Ch’iu Wei (8th c)

Qiu Wei (traditional Chinese: 邱為; simplified Chinese: 邱为; pinyin: Qiū Wéi, 694–789?^[1] was a Chinese poet during the Tang dynasty, with one of his poems being included in the famous anthology Three Hundred Tang Poems.

Qiu Wei's poetic career coincided with the major flourishing of the Tang poetry styles; within which, he was grouped in with the Fields and Gardens Poets Group (田园诗派), along with such poets as Meng Haoran, Wang Wei, Chang Jian, and Pei Di. He had one poem collected in Three Hundred Tang Poems; which is a five-character old-style (Gushi)^[2] of Classical Chinese poetry form, translated by Witter Bynner as "AFTER MISSING THE RECLUSE ON THE WESTERN MOUNTAIN”.  (wikipedia)

There are signs and remnants everywhere. People arrive, stay for days, I do not see them. Like a wraith occupying a different dimension I remain out of view. I breathe, nap, and read. I practice an upside-down overlay of shikantaza and zazen. A spate of incense, a flicker of candle. I occupy my cell. 

Even so I am barely in that place. Dreams take me away. An assortment of sleep-dreams bring different people into different scenarios without any intention or plan. These short films of otherly-pre-conscious awareness sets me always elsewhere wondering how to get back home.

Wherever that is.

I take pills and sip tea.

Steam rises from cup.

Cellophane from cinnamon streusel coffeecake wavers in breeze from open window, falls to rug.

I no longer have any thought of the day, nor of tomorrow. 

I want to leave a note: 

No need to wait for me, go on your own!

night yard

 Misty rain

Mountain draws close

Into itself

you don’t have to believe in god, search yourself

 I’ve been thinking

 of the universe

I’ve been thinking

Of this my body

Not two things

Grace itself

this one this one this one

 My breath

Is uncertain

Lungs are welcoming

I count to eight

With each series

In breathing out

My reclusion

Will soon

Have stone unrolled

The strange commerce

My fellow air-breathers

Will wander bye

seule

 As a hermit

I remain alone

Nothing personal

Just solitude

your eyes look for faith

Bach again:

 'Herr, deine Augen sehen nach dem Glauben',

So it sounds.

But what would faith look like?

a thousand changes and myriad transformations

It's an old assignment.

Philippians 2:12  -- "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,"   NIV

To 'obey' is "to submit to the authority of" something or someone. 

It's as though "fear and trembling" is a mandated condition of human life.  Is fear and trembling the authority in life? Has it always been so?

 When you look closely, 

you see that people of the present 

are none other than people of old,

and the functions of the present

are none other than the functions of the past;

even going through a thousand changes

and myriad transformations,

here it is just necessary

for you to recognize it first hand

before you can attain it.

                    (--Foyan, 1067-1120)

We seem to fear both the known and the unknown. Studying my German phrases in school I remember 

Habt keine Angst -- have no fear. Or, Fürchte dich nicht -- do not be afraid, (perhaps for classical friends here as composed by Bach.) 

Jesus did say "fear not" or "do not be afraid many times in the gospels.

Who, then, is our teacher? Which teaching compels us?

Foyan Qingyuan (1067–1120) was an important master of Chan Buddhism in the Yangqi branch of the Linji School.^[1] He was a student of Wuzu Fayan (d. 1104), and was known as one of the "three Buddhas of East Mountain" (the mountain whose famous former resident had been the 5th Chan patriarch Hongren), along with his dharma brothers, Yuanwu Keqin and Taiping Huiqin (1059–1117).^[2]

Foyan emphasized independence and autonomy in his teachings. According to Cleary, Foyan "made no attempt to recruit disciples," wishing instead for people to be able to stand on their own feet.^[3] For example, Foyan said, "What do you go to a 'Zen center' for? You should make a living on your own, and not listen to what others say."^[4] He was critical of over-dependence on teachers, as can be seen in the following story, told by Foyan thus: 

The second ancestor of Zen used to give talks wherever he happened to be, and all who heard him attained true awareness. He didn't establish any slogans or talk about causes and effects of practice and realization.
In his time there was a certain meditation teacher who sent a top disciple to listen in on the Zen ancestor. The disciple never came back. The meditation teacher was furious, and took the occasion of a congress to upbraid his former disciple for disloyalty.
The former disciple said, "My perception was originally true, but it was distorted by a teacher."
Later someone asked a Zen master, "Where is my power of perception?" The Zen master said, "It is not obtained from a teacher."
This is the way to attain Zen. An ancient said, "The Way is always with people, but people themselves chase after things."^{[5]. (wikipedia)}

I ask AI : What is acceptance of reality? This response:

Acceptance of reality is the complete acknowledgment of present facts without judgment, denial, or resistance. It means stopping the internal fight against things you cannot change. It is a core concept taught in Dialectical Behavior Therapy to help people reduce emotional suffering. [1, 2, 3]

What Acceptance Is

• Seeing the truth: Acknowledging what is happening right now, exactly as it is.
• Stopping the fight: Letting go of the anger and frustration of wishing things were different.
• Saving energy: Freeing up your mental energy so you can focus on things you actually can control. [1, 2, 3]

What Acceptance Is Not

• Not approval: You do not have to like, agree with, or support a bad situation.
• Not giving up: It does not mean you are weak or that you will never try to improve things. 

• Not surrender: You can accept where you are today while still planning to make changes for tomorrow.[1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

Nietzsche wrote about Amor fati -- loving one's fate, rather than just tolerating or resenting it.

It is reasonable to want not to live in fear and trembling of stupidity or evil, not to want to encounter those that perpetrate stupidity or evil, or have to endure those who believe stupidity and evil are desirable ways of governing and ruling.

But reasonable is often an odd ask and a questionable expectation.

And here we are!

The people of old, here now.

Afraid?

Trembling?

Bah!

I've never been a good student. No master would have me. I am always finding myself sent away.

What is the correct teaching?

Go ahead, recognize it first hand!

Habt keine Angst!

pas de mots, pas d'esprit

 They say

Write about

What you know

Hmmmm…

Nothing 

Comes to

Mind

answered prayer

 I asked God

If there was anything

Worth holding on to

God

Said

Nothing

custodiat animam tuam

 feed the dog

for god’s sake

bénédiction incomparable

 no pew, this rocking lounge chair

no preacher, this silence and solitude

things have changed, om mane padme hum

(behold what is without within)

no scripture reading apart from human foibles

(behold what is within without), retrieving 

the reverse, God is the sound that emptiness

vacates from all unnecessary noise and chatter

and here I worship, to use an antiquated term,

here I attend the sacred in itself, in this space

a cup of tea, a stale muffin, sun on green leaves

a quiet needing no commentary, no chit chat

weight drops ludicrously, wonder lifts everything

into a silence of incomparable benediction

حزن في غزة، عار على إسرائيل *

 In Gaza a teenager named Raghad

was killed in an Israeli missile attack

She was seventeen, in high school

buying bread and herbs for her mother

* sorrow in Gaza, shame on Israel

the difficulty of it

 Watching police-stop videos

What a dangerous frustrating job

Good for those who are good

μόνος σαν τίποτα άλλο

 many people think 

hermits don’t like them

that’s not true

hermits like solitude

they want to

leave you alone

like nothing 

else is

this poem

Bunker

            (--by Andrea Cohen)

What would I
think, coming

up after
my world

had evaporated?
I’d wish

I were water

            

            (--The New York Review of Books, 10june21 issue)

the fundamental of this dharma door

I note what is taking place. Here. In the public sector. In the federal government. In corporate maneuvers. In the Oval Office. 

Can I non-abide? 

In all worldly situations, whether good or evil,

Pleasant or ugly, friendly or hostile,

And when faced with provocative, critical,

Oppressive and quarrelsome language,

All this should be treated as empty.

All thoughts of retaliation should

Be dismissed.

Instant after instant, one should not

Think of the past, because if past, present and future

Thoughts succeed one another without

Interruption, this is bondage.

If there are no thoughts abiding in anything,

This is freedom from bondage.

Therefore, non-abiding is set up

As the fundamental of this Dharma door.

(--Vimalakirti Nirdesa Sutra)

It’s not easy not to be anywhere while practicing presence to all creation.

To be where you are as you are, while, at the same time, not abiding anywhere. 

In Buddhism, non-abiding (apratiṣṭhita) means not clinging or fixing the mind to any thought, object, or state of existence. It is famously expressed in the Diamond Sutra as "generating the mind while not abiding anywhere” (AI overview)

Because there are guests coming, our local Guanyin and her pals cleaned and refashioned the house, the bookshop-retreat, the yurt, and the chapel-zendo. They are remarkably habitable and refreshed. These are clearly women of distinction and dedication.

I, of course, am useless and defatigable. 

But appreciative.

Noting their work.

With gratitude.

Albeit with (apratiṣṭhita), our temporary non-static revelation.

no purpose no longer

It’s not a bad end.  

The End

BY ROBERT CREELEY

When I know what people think of me

I am plunged into my loneliness.  The grey

 

hat bought earlier sickens.

I have no purpose no longer distinguishable.

 

A feeling like being choked

enters my throat.

But it is the end.

(As far as I can see.)