epherema kissed

Skittish

Is how

The dream

Presented

A Brooklyn

avenue

Some artist

Two muslims

Childhood cousins

The ephemera

kissed and

reference to Loyola

Sumie paper

discheveled

Where were you

when

I created

this and

every single

universe

within you?

summer slake

The small boy

In Rockport Harbor

Held water hose

By piling

Drinking from spray

and suddenly

August peeks around

calendar, hears crickets, sees

hillside blueberries 

a.m.d.g. (for the greater glory of god)

The Jesuits have a way of being annoyingly smart and morally active.

Ignatius saw to it.

We need to as well:

All of us ought to be haunted by the words of Nadine Yousif, a lawyer with CODE Legal Aid, a local Michigan organization that coordinated the response to the ICE raids. “Everyone thought this could not apply to us,” she said. 

Yousif’s comment calls to my mind Pastor Martin Niemöller’s famous poem “First they came.” Perhaps each of us should rewrite Niemöller’s poem under the inspiration of Francis and Ignatius. 

Here’s my attempt — readers can certainly add to this incomplete list. 

First they came for the Muslims, and I did not speak out because I was not a Muslim. Then they came for the farmworkers, but I did not speak out because I was not a farmworker. Then they came for the African-Americans, but I did not speak out because I was not an African-American. Then they came for people with disabilities, but I did not speak out because I was not a person with a disability. Then they came for scientists, but I did not speak out because I was not a scientist. Then they came after lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, and I did not speak out because I was not an LGBT person. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me.                                    (--from St. Ignatius, guide us to speak up for others, by  Alex Mikulich   |  Jul. 31, 2017, in National Catholic Reporter), https://www.ncronline.org/news/people/st-ignatius-guide-us-speak-others

Because of Ignatius I think of Dan Berrigan. Because of Dan I think of Dorothy Day:

There she is in 1922 in Chicago, following an abortion, a failed marriage, and two suicide attempts, “fling[ing] herself about” and in love with the pugilistic, alpha-male newspaperman Lionel Moise.  

And there she is in December 1932, on East 15th Street, with Peter Maurin knocking at her door: Maurin, the street philosopher who, Hennessy writes, “didn’t say hello or goodbye, and every time he arrived … began talking where he had left off.” He told Dorothy that he had been looking for her. 

And earlier:

Day was about people, especially poor people, especially those whom she called with some wryness “the undeserving poor,” and the paramount importance of serving them. For her, what the Church defines as Works of Mercy—feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, sheltering the homeless, and so on—were not pious injunctions or formulas for altruism but physical principles, as inevitable as the first law of thermodynamics. Pare her right down to her pith, strip away all her history and biography, and what do you get? A fierce set of cheekbones and a command to love. That’s the legacy of Dorothy Day, and it is endless.   

(--from, A Saint for Difficult People, From bohemian to radical to Catholic activist, Dorothy Day devoted her life to the poor, however unlovable. by James Parker, March 2017 Issue, The Atlantic) 
ttps://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/03/a-saint-for-difficult-people/513821/

I met many Jesuits in graduate school. They made learning important.

What St. Francis and St. Dominic have done, that, by God's grace, I will do. (-- Saint Ignatius)       https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/s/saint_ignatius.html

You’ve gotta love a man who references and attributes! 

taking the turn, pointing toward home

When I arrived the nurses at their station told me there were four deaths since my being there seven days ago. Of the four, I’d spent time in the company of three. I was surprised how this news arrived at my awareness. Working, I’d forgotten to call the house manager to see if a volunteer was needed at the hospice house that evening. I’m glad I was there to hear.

Watching yourself 

After all, to know yourself is to watch your behaviour, your words, what you do in your everyday relationships, that is all. Begin with that and you will see how extraordinarily difficult it is to be aware, just to watch the manner of your behaviour, the words you use to your servant, to your boss, the attitude you have with regard to people, to ideas and to things. Just watch your thoughts, your motives in the mirror of relationship, and you will see that the moment you watch you want to correct; you say, “This is good, this is bad, I must do this and not that.” When you see yourself in the mirror of relationship, your approach is one of condemnation or justification; therefore you distort what you see. Whereas, if you simply observe in that mirror your attitude with regard to people, to ideas and to things, if you just see the fact without judgement, without condemnation or acceptance, then you will find that that very perception has its own action. That is the beginning of self-knowledge.

(--Jiddu Krisnamurti, The Collected Works vol VI p 307)

I watched.

I sat with the sole resident for a spell. I chatted with staff and support volunteer. I had a slice of lemon meringue with those gathered.

Of course it is a hospice residence.

People come to see to the end of their days.

Understanding Hospice
Hospice is not a place – it is a concept of care. The goal of hospice care is to improve the quality of a patient’s last weeks, days and hours by offering the patient comfort and dignity. Many people associate hospice care with death, however it neither prolongs life nor hastens death. Hospice staff and volunteers provide a specialized knowledge of medical care that addresses all symptoms of a disease, with special emphasis on controlling pain and discomfort. Hospice care also deals with the emotional, social and spiritual impact of the disease on the patient and the patient’s family and friends. https://mainehealth.org/pen-bay-medical-center/services/home-care-hospice/sussman-house

And as a hospice volunteer, I come to be with those who’ve come to this turn in their lives.

Still, the loss we feel as those we’ve shared time and space with take the turn is notable.

I bow to the four empty rooms.

I make my way out into the salt air parking lot where, earlier, four wild turkeys scraped at the wood-chips and mulch adorning the garden plantings. We’d watched them. The dishes from our pie were rinsed and the cups cleaned and placed where they belong.

I slowly motor the curving road of Anchor Drive, turn right, then right again onto Route 1, and point toward home.

four by machado

XVII
      In my solitude
I have seen things very clearly
that were not true.

XXIV
      Wake up, you poets:
let echoes end,
and voices begin.

XXV
      But don’t hunt for dissonance;
because, in the end, there is no dissonance.
When the sound is heard people dance.

XXVI
      What the poet is searching for
is not the fundamental I
but the deep you.

antonio-machado-proverbs-and-songs

a stretch of blue smoke

Longing to see God everywhere is longing to see what is real wherever you look.

Not illusion. Not false impression. But, what is real. 

A Monk’s Hut  

Where a track diverges 

North and south of the mountain, 

Pine pollen, 

Soaked with rain, scatters.  

The monk returns to his hut 

With water from a spring, 

And a stretch of blue smoke colors the white cloud.    

- Yi Sung-in (1347-1392) (DailyZen)

The monk’s hut is the surround of what is real.

One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. (--Psalm 27:4) New International Version

Enter your hut. 

It is holy ground.

Dwell within with quiet joy. 

Even as you go out.

drama

Who are these folks?

2 There are those who have reached God directly, retaining no trace of worldly limits and remembering their own Identity perfectly. These might be called the Teachers of teachers because, although they are no longer visible, their image can yet be called upon. And they will appear when and where it is helpful for them to do so. To those to whom such appearances would be frightening, they give their ideas. No one can call on them in vain. Nor is there anyone of whom they are unaware. All needs are known to them, and all mistakes are recognized and overlooked by them. The time will come when this is understood. And meanwhile, they give all their gifts to the teachers of God who look to them for help, asking all things in their name and in no other. 

(--from, A Course in Miracles) https://acourseinmiraclesnow.com/course-miracles-manual-teachers-26-can-god-reached-directly/

And why is there so much chaos in America? 

coming unhinged

Excerpt from email from Charter for Compassion:

“The hour calls for optimism, we’ll save pessimism for better times.” (-- Jean-Claude Servais) 

Dear Agents of Compassion, 

The Spirit of the Times calls out to us, and in our own way, we each feel its presence. The greatest challenges of today are revealing, thread by thread, the total interdependence of our world. Any illusion that once existed of our separation is surely dissolving now. "Normal", as Charles Eisenstein wrote, "is coming unhinged." In fear, some react with more isolation, believing that such tactics can bring back an older, more predictable version of the world. Yet that old world had always been leading us to this moment - for we are certainly here - and the challenges we face do not care which borders once divided us.  

And so where there was once division, 

we have no choice but to sow unity!

This sounds right.

a deeper silence

There's a Japanese word for it that L shared at table practice last evening. I don't remember the word she used. But in Brooklyn its translation is "Waddya going to do? {shrug} Forget about it!" The sense that life isn't fair, accompanied by a kindly acceptence of that reality and those experiencing it.

One of the reasons that we suffer during the most challenging times of our life, is that we assume that it is our job to transform life. We build a house, we plant a tree, we create a garden, we write a book, etc . . . We leave the world around us different from the way we found it. What we don’t often acknowledge is that Life’s job is to transform us in the process.  As Hubert Benoit, the Zen teacher and French psychotherapist states, “The only task incumbent upon us is to understand reality and let ourselves be transformed by it.” This may not be the only task – but it is the one we forget or ignore as we become caught in efforts to plan and transform the objects, events and people around us. 

Inherent in this question of “who’s doing the transforming?” is the tension between acceptance and control. Japanese psychiatrist, Shoma Morita, asserted that our inner world – our thoughts, feelings and body sensations – are fundamentally uncontrollable by our will. For example, we do not will ourselves to fall in love, or out of love, with a particular individual. 

But the list of things which are beyond our control is monumental, starting with other people’s behavior and ending with illness and death. So it is understandable that the more we try to control life – get it to unfold according to our plans and desires – the more we are likely to create a living hell for ourselves — one composed of anxiety, fear, depression, resentment and anger. All of which are the byproduct of Life failing to give us what we want.

 (--from blog Thirty Thousand Days, THE ESSENCE OF LIFE, by Gregg Krech) https://www.thirtythousanddays.org/2016/07/the-essence-of-life/

The grosbeak, after long stun on wood deck, flew off. When I left hospice patients the other night the ride home was in a deeper silence.

Krechi begins his piece with Pema Chodron:

 “The essence of life is that it’s challenging. Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes it relaxes and opens. Sometimes you have a headache, and sometimes you feel 100% healthy. From an awakened perspective, trying to tie up all the loose ends and finally get it together is death, because it involves rejecting a lot of your basic experience. There is something aggressive about that approach to life, trying to flatten out all the rough spots and imperfections into a nice smooth ride.”  – Pema Chodron

In the monks' morning chant, the antiphon: "In the shadow of your wings I rejoice, alleluia!"

discriminating mind and tendencies

young grosbeak

hits

glass door

hard

during table-

practice

becomes our

meditation

still a chance that we may see

So many want to say so much about Mary Magdalene.

So much speculation and mythification.

Enough for me that there is her name.

Other than that, there is a reality beyond our grasp.

Let it be.

прослушивание (proslushivaniye, listening)

There is a knowledge that transcends the learning of it.

"Any assertion requires a fore-having of whatever has been disclosed;" (p.199, Being and Time, by Martin Heidegger)

There is a heartfelt connection before awareness of need for it.

Listen.

Listening, listen to the listening.

content with no content

Bodhisattva of compassion

Hears cries of world

Listening

Practicing only skill

Having no content

No end

Merely

Attending 

Itself

remaking

See the world

With open heart

Even what is

Wrong is

Forgiven with

Love

fourteenth way

Flying to keep

Up with cawing

Blackbird weaves

Silhouette of branch

Leaves with

Needle call

listening

This time

Four AM

When

Everything

 Is

Poised

To wake

...   ...   ...

There is One Thing,  

which has always been bright and holy; 

It has no beginning and no end,  

and It has neither name nor form. 

  -- Xishan (1520-1604). --DailyZen.com

on back of cross, after 5 hours vigil with J

Numbers 6:24-26New International Version (NIV)

24 “‘“The Lord bless you
    and keep you;
25 the Lord make his face shine on you
    and be gracious to you;
26 the Lord turn his face toward you
    and give you peace.”’

Ut benedicat tibi Dominus

    et custodiat te;

XXV Dominus vultum suum ad te,

    et misereatur tui

XXVI convertat Dominus vultum suum ad te,

    et det tibi pacem. ''

what is before us

At Sunday Evening Practice we read dharma talk, Hold to the Center!  Zen advice for when things blow up around you, by Wendy Egyoku Nakao Roshi. 

A monk asked Xinghua Cunjiang,“What should one do when things come from every direction?”   

The master said, “Hold to the center.” 

The monk bowed. 

The master then said, “Yesterday, as I was on my way to a dinner in the village, I was caught in a sudden storm with heavy rain and violent wind, so I headed for an old shrine and found shelter.”  

Ying’an Tanhua commented:  “The assembly considered the matter and said, ‘Taking shelter in an old mausoleum refers to the self that precedes the Kalpa of Emptiness, or to the place where Xinghua attained peace of mind and fully realized his original nature.’” 

(–Entangling Vines: A Classic Collection of Zen Koans, trans.  Thomas Yuho Kirchner)

Nakao Roshi writes:

As a member of the Zen Peacemaker Order, I have come to rely on what we refer to as the Three Tenets, which are Not-Knowing, Bearing Witness, and Taking Action, as an effective way to hold to the center in any given situation. With regular application, the practice of the Three Tenets can become a way of living from the center at all times. Although the tenets are taken in order when you study them, the practice is not necessarily linear. Each tenet reflects the others; they are seamlessly embedded in each other, flowing as center, circumstance, and action in an ever-unfolding and endlessly varied circle of life. https://tricycle.org/magazine/hold-to-the-center/

 Someone at table spoke of a similar pattern in the 4th step of 12 step process, namely: acceptance, awareness, action.

Earlier Sunday a silver car brought a family who’d attended the Catholic liturgy in town. The gospel text, they said, was the sowing of seeds and the need before us. to be attentive as to where they fell. Matthew 13:3-9

The Parable of the Sower concerns a sower who scatters seed, which falls on four different types of ground. The hard ground “by the way side” prevents the seed from sprouting at all, and the seed becomes nothing more than bird food. The stony ground provides enough soil for the seeds to germinate and begin to grow, but because there is “no deepness of earth,” the plants do not take root and are soon withered in the sun. The thorny ground allows the seed to grow, but the competing thorns choke the life out of the beneficial plants. The good ground receives the seed and produces much fruit. https://www.gotquestions.org/parable-sower.html

We are invited to awareness/not-knowing, bearing witness/acceptance, and entering action. 

Everyone quietly longs to appear and disappear into what is taking place before them.

As I sit with anyone, I long to disappear into the manifesting reality presenting itself before me. 

In that quiet revelation we are transformed and transubstantiated into holy presence, one that is nothing other than what is before us.

What is before us... 

that which God sees now

One becomes formless by being completely within form without attachment to form.

Look out into what appears as form. See it. See into it. See through it.

There is no separate object against which to contend.

There is that which is in sight. “You” are not that which sees. There is only seeing through the sight seen.

Trungpa Rinpoche: "Union with God cannot take place when there is any form of ego. Any whatsoever. In order to be one with God, one has to become formless. Then you will see God."
Arraj, James. Christianity in the Crucible of East-West Dialogue / God, Zen and the Intuition of Being (2 Volumes in 1) (Kindle Locations 821-822). Inner Growth Books and Videos, LLC. Kindle Edition. 

When Trungpa writes “Then you will see God” does “see God” mean that God is a “see God”? (This is not a verb/object grammar, rather a descriptive of what God is -- God is a see God.

Further, is it the desire to see God that eventuates the see God? (E.g. you ‘will’ see God). Is the “see God” brought into appearance because one wills (one desires) to(ward) see God?

We do not have to see God. Not as some object to be seen as separate. But to see God might be to let gaze go as what is seeing, into, and through.

Are we expecting to see God out there as some definable shape?

Or is our looking a looking as, into, and through what is there without making anything seen that which is separate and distinct as “God”?

Is God, therefore, that which is seeing without object -- rather, a “see God” in itself that which is being seen through?

All time collapses into now.

Like the white haired gentleman I shook hands with in his hospice bed last evening, a non-differentiated touch seemingly three weeks spanning a prison room with low fat milk and cake to mashed potatoes and gravy of a summer’s evening sudden recognition in quiet space.

See God

and live through

That which

God sees

Now